"My realize, My love for you"
I miss you, I miss you.
I once closed the door just for you.
As many time, so many times before.
I don't wanna be like this, i just wanna let you know.
Everything i want to hold it, everything just can't let go.
I wish i could find the right word to say.
MY CODE
Kermise Toh
14 october 1990
New Creation Church
→ March 2007
→ April 2007
→ May 2007
→ June 2007
→ August 2007
→ September 2007
→ October 2007
→ November 2007
→ December 2007
→ January 2008
→ March 2008
→ July 2008
→ August 2008
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JESUS CHRIST ! Thanks lord for letting me go for church on saturday ! Thanks for my mum approval . Praise lord that he is good . I know that you will always be right inside my heart ! No matter what problem im facing , you will always help me to solve it ! Everynight , i will always have a quiet time with you . Telling you my HAPPINESS AND SORROW . But i wont tell you anything about my love for him as i know that its not very good to tell you about it and i should not take love matters to you . But , i really hope that you will try to listen to me if i really cant take it anymore and i really wanna share it with you ! I really hate it when i know that you changed alot and you are not the one whom i know long ago ! somehow , i felt that our relationship will not last that long anymore ! Dont bother asking me anything like who am i refering to . You may hate me too but i dont think that you know me well enough . Im feeling so ... when i know that my bestest friend actually changed to a person which i feel that i couldnt accept her anymore . SUNNYONGZHANYI SUNNY |
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| with love ♥ 2:55 PM |
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| Wednesday, April 25, 2007 |
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NEW CREATION CHURCH LORD JESUS , please held your hand and pull me up . Im feeling terrible now ! I was controling my tears for so long as i feel that if i cried , i might lose him ! And this stupid idiot DANNY LIAW kept on irritating and disturbing make me when im feeling down . I cant stand it anymore by his action so i burst out crying in the bus ! I really like SUNNYONGZHANYI ! He is the only guy who make me feel so bless with him around ! His smile make me cant stop smiling so silly to myself whenever i think of him . How i wish that im in the same poly as him ! He's the first guy who makes me have no eyes on other guys except for him ! Now , my eyes is only left with him and no other else ! I have the confident to like him for long even though i know that he might not have any feelings for me . Let me dan lian ta ba ! ( ONE SIDED LOVE ) |
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| with love ♥ 10:05 PM |
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SUNNY ONG ! I cant stand it anymore . I felt TERRIBLE without him ! ALL I WANT IS TO SEE HIM ! All this days , my parents bar me from using laptop , i have lost the communication with him ! No chat , No sms , NOT EVEN HIS FACE ! I miss his smile . his smile made me smile silly whenever i think of him . How i hope that he knows i fall for him . I will leave this to my fatherly god ! If we are meant to be together , let me have a chance of loving him ! THANKS LORD JESUS ! |
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| with love ♥ 11:10 PM |
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I CRIED ! I felt terribly sad today as my mummy acused me for something . The wost of all , when i reach my door step , i then realise that i forgotten to bring my key and i left it at home !
I WAS TRAPPED OUTSIDE ! My daddy coming out from bath . Cant use as he bar me from using . I continue in this post tomorrow . SORRY for the incomplete post yeah XDDD
Im in a rush ! I miss you badly .
A guy name : SHRYUONGZHANYI ( SUNNY )
What a nice name ! |
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| with love ♥ 9:43 PM |
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In School . =D Now having EFC class . Actually i dont enjoy the day in school but , thinking that i would attend church later, im so HAPPY ! Bet that i will not be able to use my laptop today as my mummy STOP me from using . Plus, i will be going to Church today for bible study (: Meeting SHRYU at cityhall mrt station at 4.45pm after school . I dont think i will reach there on time yeah . After meeting him , we will be going to have dinner before attending bible study with his care group members . It start at 7-9pm . I will be back home late and my mummy will start Nagging Nagging Nagging at me again. XDDD |
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| with love ♥ 3:25 PM |
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| Wednesday, April 18, 2007 |
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4 DAYS . In this four days, i have encounter lots and lots of problem. My brain cells are all used up and my brain are going to tangger soon! I went New Creation Church at Suntec with zhanyi and i accepted christ on that day. (Sorry Asmine. I din intend to lie to you. Im scare to lose you as a friend!) 1st : Lie to my mum saying that i went out with ex. mates ! 2nd : Accepting christ without letting my parents know ! 3rd : How am i going to tell them ?!
Last night , i took all of my courage to tell her what exactly happen . The first sentence i said to her was " Mummy, i have a very important thing to tell you !" And her reaction was , " you have a BOYFRIEND huh ?" Than i replied : NO of course ! This matter is worst than having a boyfriend . After saying this , all her nonsenses thinking came ! She thought that i was PREGNANT or even i say i wanna MARRY huh ?. Than i was like giving her a damn stupid face and said " OHH PLEASE LAH " Why did you think so far . Lols XDDD After telling her the whole story , she was so damn it SHOCK ! But she did not scold me and try to tell me her reason why she doesnt want me to go church . But i was lucky enough as she allows me to visit church for bible study this Thursday . *TOMORROW* While talking to her , i was so scare and my tears wanted to burst out soon but i control it as i need to stay calm talking to her . Now , i really feel good as all my worries has already clear . It was like removing a huge ROCK out of my mind !The most important thing now is to gain more knowledge and prove it to her that going church is not a bad choice . |
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| with love ♥ 10:48 PM |
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Went " HOUSE OF LOBSTER" yesterday ! Its one of my relative 80 years old invitation . One of my relative say that i looks like a actor but she just dont know how to describle ! THANKYOU (:
Went homecoming today . its definetely FUN ! Seeing my secondary teachers & friends , made me really wanna shed tears ! Went hugging friends & teachers ! IMISSXINMIN ! Life in Xinmin is definetely better than Simei . Im so glad that i manage to see him today . XDDD My heart and brain now , its in a MESS ! I dont know how to describle the feeling out and its really uncomfortable . I guess , i really fall for him le ! Going New Creation Church with SHRYUONGZHANYI tomorrow . (:
I FELT TERRIBLE ! |
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| with love ♥ 9:15 PM |
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NOT BEAUTY BUT PRETTY ! Having a shopping spree at bugis street yesterday . And there goes the heavy down pour . ): After all , its not a wasted trip as both of us brought two items . (T-shirts&Shorts) There was a salesgirl which i admire her alot ! Here the story goes "I saw a t-shirt which i like it but found out that i dont have enough cash to buy but she insist in helping me to pay for it first and pay her back anytime. I think she took out alot of courage to have the trust in us ! THE BEST SALEGIRL I EVER SEEN ! We went looking for "ADRIAN" of City Harvest Church at Hougang Mall . He treated us three delicious cakes . 1st. Chocolate Fudge Cake 2nd. New York Cheese Cake 3rd. Oreo Cake He teaches us how to say the christ before eating . After talking for 45 mins about christian , we went straight home .
I miss him lots as i din manage to talk to him yesterday as my daddy is using the laptop . TAKKAIRE BOY (: |
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| with love ♥ 10:18 AM |
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| Wednesday, April 11, 2007 |
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FINALLY ! For the past two days , i wanted to blog . But no matter how hard i try to log in , it USELESS ! Now i know that actually i cant log in with my brother computer . Now using laptop , see , IT WORKS ! Should have thrown the computer ! (:
Today, I spent my whole day at home doing housework all alone ! Im dead beat . Ironing more than 30 clothing in one day plus doing all kinds of stuff is making me tired . Im so happy that you send me a text message last night , although i know that its just a normal message . Till now , i didnt delete it away . I treasure this good night message although i know its stupid . Missing you from evening till now . How i hope that the day will come quickly ! I feel that liking you , its not a bad choice . Pray hard for me to go to new creation churh with him on sunday ! Thanks jesus . <3
10/04/07 The whole day in malaysia . Went there shopping . Brought a converse shoe, mascara and . . . After shopping , my dad decided to play bowling ! Its so cheap ! 80 cents per game ! I played for 3 game and my middle fingle is swollen , so i called it a STOP ! As for the next forty-seven games , my parents and relatives divided among themselves while i read my bible book . While reading , my mind is full of you . MISS YOU BADLY !. Idont know how to describle the feeling out , but i know that the feeling for you are true . Reached home at about 10 plus . Had a hot bath and started to talk to you in msn . * Happy ! (:
9/04/07 To be frank, i forgotten what i have done that day ! But the only thing that i know i will do that day is , I MISS HIM . Missing him is the first thing to let me carry on with the day with a HUGE SMILE (: |
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| with love ♥ 8:37 PM |
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IM CRAZY RIGHT NOW ! Surprisingly , he din block me ! I damn happy happy happy. All my worries are gone by now .
I read bible book name ' he touched me ' this afternoon . Its eventually much much more nicer to read than the book i borrowed from the library . I like what they write ! I feel that its so true ! Here it goes . . .
Love for Enemies But i tell you who hear me : love your enemies, do good those who hate you, bless those who curse you, and pray for those who ill-treat you. If anyone hits you on one cheek, let him hit the other one too ; if someones take your coat , let him have your shirt as well. Give to everyone who ask you for something, and when someone takes what is yours, do not ask for it back. Do for others just what you want them to do for you. If you love only the people who love you, why should you receive a blessing ? Even sinners love those who love them ! And if you do good to those who do good on you , why should you receive a blessing ? Even sinners do that ! And if you lend only to those from whom you hope to get it back, why should you receive a blessing ? Even sinners lend to sinners, to get back the same amount! NO ! Love your enemies and do good to them ; lend and exoect nothing back. You will then have a great reward, and you will be the Most High God. For he is the good to the ungrateful and the wicked. Be merciful just as your father is merciful . |
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| with love ♥ 10:46 PM |
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Went to city harvest church today at EXPO ! With Asmine , Mingmin , Jerome , Mathew . . . The drama was indeed touching ! No regrets going ! Church is indeed a nice place to go . Asmine , sorry that we din go dinner with you as we are too hungry le ! Mingmin and me went to plaza singapura to take our yoshinoya dinner . After that , we went to sweet secret to have our dessert ! Mine is ' Chocolate Muddy Pie ' and hers was ' New York Cheese Cake ' TASTY INDEED ! Took lots and lots of picture today ! (: Plus theres a golden bee in my room ! SCARY LAH ! XDDD It crawl into my hair just now ! I was damn it scare and quickly swept it ! Bed Times Up ! Good night (: SWEETY DREAMS A NOTE OF MILLION ! I do miss you . |
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| with love ♥ 1:14 AM |
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WHAT SHOULD I DO ? My EX.BOYFRIEND called me for a chat for about two plus hours till 4.37a.m ! I really feel that you did change alot . I just dont understand why am i crying while talking to you . After 8 months without you , I thought i have already forgotton about you and the past we spent together ! But , my senses dont tell me so .
DONT WORRY ! I wont patch back with him as its all past ! I dont wish to go back to the past and suffer again and again and again. I want to have a new start with a new life plus a new BEGINNING with someone i love . I shall leave a part of my heart to someone who treasure me more ! SO I SHALL STOP CLINGING BACK TO THE PAST ! JUSTINTOHJIAQING & KERMISETOHSIMIN ( a normal friend ) Thanks for the talk ! |
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| with love ♥ 9:43 PM |
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You are finally back ! I feel that you are avoiding me even though i din tell you that i like you ! Feel kinda WEIRD ! Ahhh . have a breakfast with some buns and lunch with mingmin ( prata ) ARGHH . Talking to justintohjiaqing now on the phone ! so shall end here . Mingmin , i know your reaction will be omgosh omgosh omgosh ! |
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| with love ♥ 2:21 AM |
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If you give me one chance to let me tell you how i want is feeling, i would hold your hand and look in your eyes and you know i never let you go.
I MISS YOU BADLY ! When will you be coming back from your camp ?! My life without talking with you for days are BAD ! Mingmin is right ! At least i know that you are at camp and know whats the reason why you are not online ! As for her , she dont even know what she could do as the person she love , already have girlfriend ! What should i do to help you not to be so feel so depress all times ?
A phone call from my daddy , SPOILED MY PLAN FOR THE DAY ! Eventually , my dearest wanted to come to my house to dye my hair before going to compass to buy some presents for her aunt and her mum but my dad wanted to bring me along to eat breakfast . So my dearest followed along as she haven had her breakfast too !Aafter eating a bowl of noodles , my daddy bring us to compass and he went straight home . (: we went to borrow some books . " EMILY'S REASON WHY NOT " after borrowing , we went mos burger to have some MUNCH ! fries and peach ice tea . XDD shall end here (: byeee. |
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| with love ♥ 10:34 PM |
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RAHH . i went lunch with mingmin and two guys . EEKIAT TAN & EUGENE Eventually we are going to have breakfast but it end up to be lunch at my ex. aunt noodle shop. But this STUPID EEKIAT need to reach home at 230 . So we are left with no choice but to go hougang mall to have our lunch ! We went up to the food court to have our lunch . But after walking one round looking for things to eat , i feel quite sian with all the food that i saw so i decided to go kfc ! XDDD Paiseh arh .
After eating , we saw kevin ong at a shop . Surprisely to see him there . We chat for a while and it started raining so we are left with no choice and to go to my house . Mingmin do her nail painting and i watch my korean show .
ARGHH ! How long will you be back from camp ? IMISSYOUBADLY ! <333 |
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| with love ♥ 10:42 PM |
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Eventually , this post should be posted yesterday .
But there's something crop up so i failed to post it up ! XDDD
I have been telling myself not to be so anxious about telling him that i like him but it so difficult to get him out of my mind ! Part of it is i dont dare to tell him as im scare of rejection and avoiding me . He is the third person that i really like . Im so sure that its not a crush ! After jiaqing , i din really fall for someone i really like . Although you are not the second , but its true that i like you ! you may think that its so freak out as we know each other not long . Plus , we dont even have each other contact number . We talk only in msn ! I feel that im so silly at times as i would often wait for you to pop out in msn as this is the only way that i can communicate with you . I know that you are now attending your camp , but i would still wait for you to go online . I would wait till i cant open my eyes before i log out . Xinmin homecoming is coming , if i tell him that i like him now , i will not have the courage to face him if he rejects me ! Rahh . Eekiat and mingmin is right ! I really should know him more before telling him or else i may lose him ! Thanks for all your opinon yeah (:
as for TANEEKIAT , please do not laugh at me again ! XDDD |
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| with love ♥ 9:41 PM |
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